There Is No God

Today, I have experienced a horrible loss: a friend of mine has decided to stop communicating with me because I am supposedly selfish, rude, and insulting.

I have found proof that there is no higher power. I am going to admit a few things through this, and then I am going to explain in depth some personal experience with religion, and once and for all at least attempt to prove in full that there is no higher power.

I am crazy. If you ask any of my friends or family, they will tell you that I have pretty much never been right in the head. I suffer from a personality disorder, and even though it makes me creative and heightens my ability to use my intelligence, it also makes me anti-social, suicidal, and causes me to have gory fantasies of death. I am rude, selfish, and insulting. I'm also incredibly sensitive to even the slightest insult. I have no block on my depression, so when it hits me, I am compulsively pushed to reveal it to someone immediately. Most of the time I can control this, but it only continually builds if I hold it back for too long, and eventually a wall breaks. Through all of this, however, I know one thing that hasn't left me since I was fifteen years old.

There is no God. I had a friend abandon me today in an attempt to avoid the misery I cause all of my friends. She couldn't handle my insanity; myself in all I can reveal to others, and she made the decision that it was better to stop communicating with me than continue being in misery, regardless of if anything can come of a positive nature with her continuing. Am I depressed? More than I have ever been. I spend most of my time telling myself that there are people out there that care about me, but when one person I thought did just that decides I'm worthless, I don't see that in my head anymore; I only see the pain and anguish.

To me, this proves the lack of a higher power. If there was a deity, than wouldn't their major goal be to ensure everything they have ever created is positive they should live? I've had experience with religion. I used to be a Christian. I had a priest tell me to break the law. I've seen Christians be intolerant of others because they believed that there way was best. I've spent my days pondering the idea of a higher power (I am agnostic), but not once have I ever been sure that there is a much more powerful being in the universe that has created everything and is controlling the things we ask it to control. Some say tonight's events is a challenge from such a higher power. I say that it is a challenge to see how long before I go play on the freeway. There can't be a God if bad things happen to people; a higher power would surely do whatever it took to maintain the world it created.

There have been many things in my life I've asked God for, but none have ever been given to me. If you are a Christian, and you are reading this, think about every prayer you have ever made. Can you remember the last time God sent you something you asked for, or at least implied you needed? I am sitting here now wondering why a Christian would be reading this blog, and I think one of you might have prayed that I would (which would be creepy), but if a higher power was in existence, then each and every person in the world who suffers and yet doesn't believe in it should be protected by God just as much as any person who prays every day and gets nothing, right? Read that question again.

Now you see why there is no God. If no one's prayers are being answered, then there can be no higher power because those that do not believe in God are not being led out of challenges in their lives just as equally; a deity would love everything that it created, not just those that pray to it and give its priests money. I believe in Fate and entropy; I believe that our lives are nothing more but a set of random occurrences that we have no control over, and that we will never have any control over. I believe I can't change just because someone asks me to or I decide to because it is not my decision to make; the universe already has a massive destructive force called entropy that causes every random event happen, and if I am supposed to change, or for that matter anyone is supposed to get anything, that it will happen at random based on the loss of energy in the universe. There can be no God, because that would mean everything was its plan, and that any person in a horrible position in life is in that position because a higher power decided you needed to kill yourself, starve to death, or be raped. That would mean a higher power was controlling every event in your life, and using some people like puppets to gain what it thinks is the best path for each person while they are still alive. I am not a puppet, except to my own delusions and fantasies, and I would never let a much larger being than me stick his hand up my ass to make others do things.

Think about it. There is no higher power. For a higher power to exist, that would mean every bad thing that has ever happened is its fault, and every religion that believes in a higher power states that that is not the mission of their deity, so how can one be in existence?

There is no God, and there never will be.