Sexuality: Attraction, Affection, and Acceptance

Sex is a topic most people tend to avoid in polite conversation. It is generally ignored as a subject altogether; to most people, sex is personal, and it should stay that way, regardless of the situation.

Let's think about this from a new perspective; assume there are no sexual taboos, and that sex is an open topic in decent conversation, no matter where you go in the world today. You would find that some of the people closest to you actually fantasize about things sexually that you didn't think they were capable of even understanding. Sexuality, though quiet in the moral public visage that many people try to retain today, is actually a broad and well designed psychological setting in the minds of every person. To fully understand the ideas behind sexuality, you first need to look at attraction.

As a man, I am often plagued by the view of women, and biologically for men that is a distraction all on its own. I find women attractive; a general term, but one that says so much. If I was to state that I was attracted to women to any other person, than that person would know that, and if they were a woman they would, if I was attractive to anyone, find reason to act more attractive to me. Unspecified attraction doesn't apply unfortunately. One man may find thin women attractive, while another might find a plump woman sexy. That's what makes a statement of attraction so strong; the specificity of the statement doesn't matter because any statement of attraction will affect everyone you state it to at a level of belief that binds you to that topic. With attraction the basis of sexuality, let's get a little more taboo.

Let's say I'm attracted to toasters. If I walked up to you on the street and told you that, the only two thoughts you could have are: "This man is insane, and he needs to get away from me" and "Me too; I should invite him over to play with my shiny silver lover."

Don't say you can't care whether or not I'm attracted to toasters. Sexuality, honestly, has no neutral ground. That why attraction, and the perception of attraction, make up sexuality. Even if you are close to neutral, you are still either more readily accepting of toaster sexuality, or less readily accepting of toaster sexuality. Think about how you feel about homosexuality; this isn't the best comparison, but it is still good for the sake of argument. Many people accept homosexuals, regardless of their beliefs, but some are willing to support homosexuals in their fight to complete acceptance, and some are just sitting back and watching, maybe slightly disgusted by those people. No matter what you are going to have bias, but that makes sexuality much more broad, and covers up the way people discuss sex in the public forum; no one wants to openly admit their own sexual desires and fantasies, and in some ways are disgusted by them. Of course, most sexual desires and fetishes are based entirely in the physical respect, and so seem more repulsive if we don't have the same attraction. I say we get rid of the multiple sexual fetishes and fantasies, at least in detail, and regroup sexuality into two parts to understand attraction and sexual desire: mental sexuality and physical sexuality.

Mental sexuality, in part, actually sounds a bit dirtier. Fantasies are always a little worse than what we actually partake in sexually, right? Think about cyber sexuality, a form of mental sexuality that has been consistently going on for years now. Those people can have the weirdest fetishes, but they are only fantasies, right? Sort of. Mental sexuality is the extension of sexuality that deals primarily with the aspects of attraction that deal specifically with emotions, intellect, and so on. Personality sexuality, if you will. Since we, as human beings, are so accustomed to a very narrow form of physical sexuality, typically we would never consciously find ourselves indulging in mental sexuality, though in theory it can be much more potent.

Imagine you are online chatting with what appears to be a member of the opposite gender around your age. Do you know that's true? Mental sexuality relies on fantasy and personality more than physical gender. This may sound strange to you, but the desire to have fantasy sex over real sex is growing at an increasing rate, and it will soon seem that there is no boundary between the two. Pansexual belief seems to heavily believe in a similar system; to them, no one person can be considered attractive by gender. Mental sexuality is what humans should first aspire to successfully master if they wish to find themselves with a proper mate. Look at all the dating sites. Personality comes first, then physical attraction; fantasy before reality. Doesn't that seem logical?

Physical sexuality can be so hurtful anyway. Physical attraction in itself is a crime; how do you know if you are attracted to someone before you even speak to them? Of course, in some cases this works. We've come up with terminology as a society that describes the different ways people are physically attracted to each other, mainly "shallow" and "deep" to name a couple. Physical sexuality is what every person associates with sexiness as they start to understand how sexuality works. For example, think about what physical features you find attractive. Now try to remember a time when, upon looking at a person or thing you were attracted to, you didn't use those features to rate how sexually stimulating that person or thing was to you. Is it hard for you to do so? I would assume it is. We constantly use physical features to subconsciously, and even consciously, rate the attractiveness of a person or thing, and so we are more trained to effectively be more physically sexual than mentally sexual.

Is this a problem? Maybe it is. Physical sexuality is instinctual and more readily appealing, and can also be taken in the forms of wealth and assets. It could also be considered damaging to social interaction. Mental sexuality, on the other hand, allows for judgment of the person or thing, and not the way the person looks. Now, in all honesty, if you are sexually attracted to a toaster, mental sexuality will not come into play unless you are schizophrenic. Also, in some cases, one person in a sexual relationship may rely solely on mental sexuality and act physically attracted, while the other relies on physical sexuality and acts mental attracted. It is a gray, foggy, obfuscated topic. It is difficult to see where sexuality may begin or end, and what is employed when the initial attraction is made between a man and his dog, or a woman and her cucumber, but it is certain that it can only grow in intensity and depth.

Conclusion: sexuality is insane, but required. Assume a man and a woman are having an intimate relationship. They both got into the relationship based on attraction, but they were attracted for different reasons. She may have found his car to be a sign of his ability to provide; he may have found her breasts to excite him. No matter what the reasoning, sex is always going to be complicated, and what people find themselves fantasizing about is going to be equally complicated. So whether you enjoy sheep, vacuum cleaner, transvestites, or toasters, you are not alone in the idea that sexuality is personal; the sole reason people don't discuss sex is because of what they personally find exciting.

So let's change things; I say each and every person should state what sexually excites them to all the people they know.

You can go first.